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What It Means

by ERDA

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1.
I don't know what it means. What's real, what's a dream? You dub me, don't call back. It haunts me, you know that. There's something about how you push me away and into darkness. Getting back the feelings (that) strayed away from me. Like everything pregnant with meaning means nothings to me. And I just can't atone I guess, it's something of a consequence. And each one of my missteps just cling tightly to me. I would go (but) there's desolation in the way. On the way home all the lights begin to sway. You conflate yourself with silhouettes. I'm losing sight of me. And you pray it will be different, but do all the same things. And I know that each word was said without a thought for me. You create and meet each prophecy, but don't know what it means. What it means. But you don't know what it means, or what's a dream. Lose yourself in everything. And in me. Empty me. There's a voice inside my head that says that I should empty me.
2.
Don't Say It 02:39
If I promise then I'll follow through. I'm out of comas and into you. You pierce my aura only when I'm low. There's toxins in the things that you "know". Your gaze is on my back and don't say it. Staring at a screen with a mind so vacant. Don't say it, don't say it. It's been too much, can't take it. And my heart is a vagrant just searching for home and taking stock of all the mistakes in a life of accidents, maybes. Don't say it. Listening to murmurs of wet concrete and halogens. Spinning tires that mimic them; process of remembering. Urges of destruction spin inwardly, then out again. Burning leaves carcinogens where _____ were; a christening. Oh, I don't want to go but I have to. This isn't home. And I'm not whole, no I'm not whole.
3.
Home, Again 03:31
So we're walking in circles. You know. Lose control. It's so outta pocket, donno how to stop it. All I know: everything's straight toxic if we being honest. We're so alone and I'm calling for you but there's a disconnect, it feels so empty. I look away, you look at me. I start to sway. Nothing's in me. No compromise. Fires rise. Shield your eyes. And I'm home, again. But I don't wanna see you again. Remembered beds and memories that I wrapped in lead. All in all, I don't believe it. Pray for fall; new sense of meaning. It's subtle: the pain in my chest, I'm not getting rest. So gradual. Everything festers under this pressure. It's like a whisper in my head, Cutting deeper again. You said that this would be different but I don't see it. You're looking at me so different, I feel it.

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released December 25, 2020

Everything by ERDA
Except mixing done by Joe Tisdall

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ERDA New York

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